RETROSPECT FOREST

August 15. The height of summer.
    The suburban road, well separated from the people and car noise you found in the city, was instead infected with the loud, echoing call of the nearby cicadas.
    The long, straight road was interrupted only by rusted-out signs and small houses, dotting the path for what seemed like the rest of the world.

    Next to the sidewalk, notably cracked and lacking in terms of solid pavement, the unkempt weeds extended toward the sky as high as they could.
    It was well into the afternoon by now. I felt like I had been walking down this path for hours, but I imagine it was only for twenty or thirty minutes in reality.
    When you’re faced with a never-ending onrush of catastrophic events, time always seems to pass a lot more slowly than it actually does.

    —It all started yesterday.

    I, Shintaro Kisaragi, have wound up getting shoved out into the outside world for some reason after approximately two years of the exciting, laugh-a-minute nerd shut-in lifestyle.
    Why? Well, thanks to the brazen acts of violence carried out by the evil virus known as Ene, I broke a few of my computer’s accessories and wound up having to visit the nearby department store to shop for replacements. That’s the simplest reason, at least.
    But once I reached that department store, I wound up being on the scene of a terrorist attack— something I had to have, like, a one-in-eighty-thousand chance of encountering. Then they took me hostage, and then they even went and shot me.
    …Given the tale this far, I already have some critical doubts as to whether anyone would believe a word of it. But the real story’s just getting started. Allow me to continue.

    After being shot with a handgun, I was rescued by this bizarre organization that happened to also be on the scene.
    It’s called the Mekakushi-dan, and it’s a group of, shall we say, “unique” individuals. An invisible woman, a Medusa, this chameleon kind of guy, you name it.
    …This gang is clearly far more of a threat than any run-of-the-mill terror group, but apparently they treated my injuries for me, and by the looks of things, they don’t seem like bad people at all.
    —So that was all fine and good. Up to that point.
    If I had resisted all the urges telling me to poke around this group some more, if I’d just said “Thank you very much, uh, see you later,” returned home, and enjoyed my triumphant return to the nerd shut-in life with gusto, I imagine I could have convinced myself to forget about all the questions I had.
    But when the guy they called “Kano” started prattling on and on about stuff, and when I decided to be polite enough to lend him an ear—butting in with “Huh, neat” every now and then, that kind of thing—they decided I knew too many of their secrets and couldn’t be allowed back home. The classic criminal gang, in other words.
    —I fired back, of course.
    Certainly, I appreciated their taking care of me overnight while I was unconscious.
    But I wasn’t about to blindly follow whatever orders they gave me, and the shock of leaving my room for the first time in ages had fatigued me greatly, physically and emotionally.
    Really, even if I wanted to blab about the secrets of this crazy gang to someone else, there’s no doubt they’d say, “Yeah, I’d say you’re the nuttiest out of all of ’em” in response.
    So of course I wouldn’t tell anyone else. I swore it to them.
`…But Ene, the plague-bearing rat residing in my computer, responded just as I thought she would—“Wow, all of this is really amazing, master!” and so on. Thus, she joined the Mekakushi-dan, she and all the secret info she had seized from my PC.
    My pleadings were all for nothing. I was very begrudgingly forced to join the group, and now I’m Shintaro, Mekakushi-dan Member No. 7.

    “Hey, Mom, I just made some new friends! I just joined this thing called the Mekakushi-dan! The made me Member No. 7! …Huh? How old am I? Oh, don’t tell me you forgot, Mom! I’m eighteen!”

    —It’d make me want to die. It really would. There’s no way I could tell her.

    “Uh, look, Shintaro, just looking at you is making me feel all gross…And that outfit is so lame too.”
    As I played out my internal monologue to myself, my sister Momo, who was walking alongside me, spoke up in a peeved voice.

    My sister is two years younger than me, making her sixteen this year. To think that just a bit ago… okay, more like a few years ago, but there was a time when she acted a lot cutesier to me, constantly pestering me about this and that for attention.
    The moment she became a high-school student, though, her mood toward me made a full U-turn.
    She began to take this domineering, high-handed attitude, the way a lot of teenage girls do.
    Then, thanks to some mistake or other, she actually became an idol singer, so the point where she’s become pretty well-known among the general public. Posters of her all around town, the works.
    I was glad to see my sister make such a breakthrough in her life, but since the gap between us had grown so large, we barely had the chance to even strike up a conversation as of late.
    But the life of an idol is a pretty stressful one, apparently, and her agency agreed to give her some time off yesterday after discussing things with them.
    She didn’t seem to have too many friends, but apparently she was chummy with the folks in the Mekakushi-dan, which—though, as her brother, I had my qualms—was a bit of a relief to see.

    “—Uh, hello? Are you listening? Just take that off already. You’re drenched in sweat. This isn’t some kind of contest to see how long you can hold out.”
    It was a fact. This temperature, along with the sweat pouring down my body, had made the hoodie I was wearing into a sort of portable sauna for my upper torso.
    Taking it off would have been fine, perhaps, but I didn’t want my pasty white skin to get sunburned, and discarding this hoodie—this pinnacle, this ultimate culmination of clothing culture—was impossible for someone like me who had grown so fond of that fashion accessory.

    The real reason was because this (female) friend I once had said, “You look really good in a hoodie, Shintaro” one time. But now it was starting to feel like a kind of curse upon me.

    “Hell-ooooooo? Hey! Are you listening, bro?! I said, you’re looking gross!”

    Judging by how dogged she was in her complaining, I figured she must have been spewing her frustration at the heat and fatigue or whatnot at me.
    I knew how she felt, but, hey, guess what, I’m in the same boat. All this verbal abuse was starting to get on my nerves, so I decided to take the bait and respond to my sister’s provocation.

    “It’s not causing you any trouble, Momo. And besides, what’s with your outfit, huh? Did they make you wear that after losing a bet in some stupid variety show?”
    The parka Momo was wearing, with ISOLATED written on it in large characters, was so hideous that even the most avant-garde of celebrities wouldn’t dare touch it.
    Anyone who caught sight of her would undoubtedly say to himself, “Wow, that has to be some kind of punishment for something bad she did.”
    “Uh, what? You don’t get this? This is cute. You have, like, no sense whatsoever, do you, Shintaro? And what about that hoodie? You look like a comedian doing some reality-show bit where he’s trying to hitchhike across the country. I can just imagine you getting taken in by some farmer and crying about how delicious his vegetables are and stuff.”
    Judging by the fangs behind this salvo, Momo was apparently a pretty big fan of her own look, too. But if I wanted to protect the dignity of my hoodie, I couldn’t afford to lose here.
    So I decided to strike Momo right where it hurt the most.
    “Oh, shut up, Momo. You know, I know what you do every night. You just sit in your room, laughing at Let’s Play videos. You know that’s freaky, right? Sitting there in that darkened room, eating those dried, shredded squid bits like some guy in his sixties…?”
    Momo, stunned by this unexpected attack, began to grow desperate.
    “Wha…How?! How do you know that?!”
    She may have been all gung-ho at first, but now Momo’s face was pale, quickly turning red out of shame.
    I continued, aiming to strike a combo blow.
    “Oh, you know, I was passing by your room on the way to the john, and I heard this really weird laugh, like ‘heh…heh-heh…’ You had the door, like, half-open, so it’s not like I could avoid seeing you.”
    Unable to say anything in response, Momo angrily shook a fist at me.
    I won. She is, after all, just my sister. No way could she ever beat her older brother.
    “You…You’re horrible, Shintaro! I can’t believe that! Plus, I’m sure you’re just looking at pervo images that whole time anyway! Ene told me, you know! She said ‘my master’s sexual drive is limitless’! That’s really embarrassing to me, you know!”
    The euphoria of victory dissolved in an instant as I was tossed into the bottom of a deep, humiliating pit. I started to break into a cold sweat, easily outpacing the sweat pouring out from the heat.
    “Y-you…You…What did she tell you…?”
    “Pretty much what I just said!”
    “W-what you said…?! Uh…well, look, that was just that one time, okay? That time I accidentally clicked on that weird banner ad! Everyone makes mistakes, you know!”
    “Oh, really? How many of them make the same mistake multiple times a day? Ene told me that you run out of the room in a nervous panic every time you click on a page, too…”
    The emergency alarm within my head began to ring painfully.
    I, Shintaro Kisaragi, was undeniably faced with danger. Mortal danger! I wanted to toss the mobile phone in my pocket straight into any nearby sewer grate, but more important than that, I needed to change the topic. Momo was already looking at me like I was a pile of putrid garbage, but I still had to have some kind of chance. Something…something else…
    “Hey, what’re you two going on about? Aw, it sure is nice to see you two siblings get along with each other!”
    “Oww!”
    I leaped into the air, surprised at having someone suddenly clap me on the back.
    Swiveling around, I saw a large young man in a green jumpsuit, a puffy white mound of something on his back. He flashed us a friendly smile.
    It was a man from the Mekakushi-dan I had joined a bit earlier.
    Come to think of it, he must have been behind us the whole time. He could have heard that whole conversation…Maybe he was extending a helping hand to free me from this barrage.
    “You were…uh, Zetto, right?”
    Trying to call him by name when I knew I hadn’t quite remembered it correctly was a mistake. By the way Momo instantly landed an arrowlike elbow on my side, I suppose I had it wrong.
    I groaned helplessly as the air rushed out of my mouth.
    “No, it’s Setto! You just got introduced to him this morning! Ugh, Shintaro, you never remember anybody’s name…!”
    Momo angrily glared at me, as if to visually demonstrate to me how rude I was being. But before she could continue landing blows on me, a peeved voice emanated out from the white, fluffy mass on the jumpsuited man’s back.

 

    “…No, it’s Seto…”
    A pair of pink eyes were staring at us from behind the man called Seto’s shoulders.
    Marie, the white, long-haired mass behind Seto, continued to correct us as she steeled her rankled gaze upon us.
    “It’s Seto, okay? If you mess up his name…that’s just mean.”
    Momo, under the full bore of Marie’s gaze, was frozen to the spot like an exposed criminal. For a moment, I could see her checking on my own facial expression from the side.
    “Ha-ha-ha-ha! It’s fine, Marie. Besides, I like Setto! Sounds kinda cool!” Seto tried to appease her, seemingly unfazed by any of this.
    Marie remained unconvinced, emitting an annoyed little mmffff before burying her face in Seto’s shoulder and falling silent.
    A moment of silence passed…Momo quietly stepped up her walking pace, trying to ignore everything, but I wasn’t about to let her.
    “…Hey.”
    I confronted Momo, my voice brimming with discontent. As it should be. She had messed up the name she elbowed me for messing up. That’d make anybody mad.
    “What’d you have to do that for?”
    “Well…well, you got it wrong, too, Shintaro! Didn’t you?! Besides, I was closer than you…”
    It’s not a matter of being close or not! Where the hell did you get ‘Setto’ from?!”
    “Ha-ha-ha!” laughed Seto, heartily, as he watched us continue our aimless argument.
    We had only met this morning, but already it seemed like Seto never got angry over anything, or that he was too magnanimous to let things bother him in general.
    Instead he just brushed it off with one of his belly laughs, leaving Momo and me tremendously embarrassed that we were sniping at each other over this.
    “Ngh…I’m sorry that I got your name wrong, Seto…And I’m sorry if I hurt you, too, Marie Okay…?”
    Momo turned toward the two of them and apologized.
    Marie’s head popped up from behind Seto’s shoulder. “Setto,” she said. “…I think it’s cool, too.”
    Momo breathed a sigh of relief.
    “You know, though, I’m impressed you can actually carry someone in this heat.”
    “Um? Oh, I’m totally fine. I carry around all kinds of stuff in my job, so it’s normal to me. In fact Marie’s easy. She’s so light!”
    Seto was built pretty well. Impressively so, considering that my sticklike arms, the fruits of two years of playing twenty-four-hour security guard inside my own room, were lucky if they could support the weight of a newborn, much less a grown girl.
    I pretended that I didn’t see Momo out the corner of my eye, looking at me and Seto before exhaling a light chuckle out of her nose.
    “But, you know, you can’t do that forever, Marie. You need to exercise more on a daily basis, or else you’ll keep getting too exhausted to move like this.”
    “I-I know…I’ll try to go on longer walks…”
    Marie was down for the count just a few minutes after leaving home, clinging to her spot on Seto’s back ever since.
    The girl didn’t get out much, it seemed.
|    I felt at least a hint of kinship with her, but in terms of ethnic groups, the difference between a sheltered young girl and a college-age unemployed shut-in was like heaven and earth. My case seemed a lot more hopeless.

    The cicadas chirping around us had grown louder and louder.
    We were already a decent distance away from the center of the city.
    We began to see small wooded areas here and there as we continued down the sidewalk. The number of houses began to plummet.
    It was amazing to think how rural things could get after just a little bit of walking. I thought about this yesterday, but it was still weird to me how much the central part of the city had developed.
    The somewhat outdated smartphone Momo had in her hand was apparently in its death throes after being doused in tea the previous day. It had allegedly sprung back to life after being tossed into a bag filled with silica-gel desiccant.

    “But, hey, I’m sorry for this, guys. Being forced to walk thanks to me…”
    Momo drooped her head a little as she murmured the words.
    Taking a bus would have certainly been faster, but Kido’s “concealing eyes” ability apparently has a weakness—it immediately stops working if someone bumps into any of us. That made it too difficult to try in an enclosed space like a bus, so we walked instead.
    Our original plan for the day was to go back to the department store we shopped at yesterday and have fun on the rooftop amusement park, but given the terrorist attack the previous day, there was no way they’d be open for business the following afternoon. Scratch that, then.
    But thanks to Ene’s selfish ranting (“It has to be now, or never!”), we decided to head for another amusement park out in the suburbs.
    Kido, leader of the gang, and Kano, another member, were going to be a little late, so the rest of us were on our way to the park by ourselves.
    Since we were walking down a road with nearly no traffic at all, it wasn’t a particular problem for Momo to be visible and outdoors here.
    “…Kano told us it was like they made an amusement park out of a national forest…but, hey, is that it? I think it is! I think that’s a Ferris wheel!”
    Momo, springing to life, pointed toward the right in front of us.
    A large forest spread itself out beyond. Among the trees, we could see roller-coaster tracks and other classic theme-park trappings.
    “Ooh, it looks like it! Hey, Marie, we made it!”
    Seto shook his back to alert Marie. “Wow, we did!” she said when she looked up, eyes aflame with delight. “It looks sooooo great!”
    “Ene’s gotten kinda quiet, hasn’t she? Is she all right? I haven’t heard anything from her lately.”
    “She told me to tell her when we arrived, then shut herself off. Something about wanting to conserve her batteries.”
    And I had expected another constant barrage of griping and wheedling today, too. It turns out she has a surprising weakness after all.
    “Ah. Makes sense. Better get her up soon, then…Oh, is that the boss?”
    A sign with FOREST PARKin big letters stood about forty meters ahead, right above a shuttle bus stop. Two of the people stepping off the bus alongside all the families and children looked familiar.
    “Ooh, it is! Wow, look at all the people getting off…! I better make a call!”
    Momo frantically put up her hood and started dialing.
    “Uh, hello, boss? We’re right nearby the gate…Okay! Sure, sure. We’ll be waiting right here, okay?”
    After hanging up, Momo took a quick look around the area. The visitors leaving the bus were herded into the park entrance, not taking a second look at us.
    We could see the two people we spotted before walking up to us.
    “So as long as we’ve got Kido’s ability, we can enjoy the theme park all we want to…right?”
    “Right! Totally!”
    Momo beamed from underneath her hood like an elated child.

—Out of breath, I found a nearby bench and sat myself down.
    It was shaded by the lush foliage above me, making the backrest a little damp and cool to the touch.
    I took a deep breath. I guess my sense of balance wasn’t working so well…I still felt like I was o a lurching cruise ship, and the feeling of nausea welled right back up my throat.

    “Are you all right, Shintaro? You know, guys, you’re taking all of this too quickly. You can’t just go on the roller coaster first thing like that…”
    Seto, seated on my left, slapped me on the back as he offered me a bottle of water.
    “Oh, man, Shintaro…Hee-hee! Try not to worry about it too much, okay? Heh-heh…”
    Kano, closing in on me from the right, clasped his hands behind his head as he attempted to cheer me up in the most mean-spirited way possible.
    “Quit being so rude, Kano. Not everyone’s as good at roller coasters as you are. Just because he threw up a bit doesn’t mean you should pick on him all day.”
    “Just…don’t say it anymore…Please…”
    Seto was just acting out of conscience, but when he reiterated that I had lost my lunch, it served to do nothing but mentally damage me even further. I wanted to die on the spot.
    “Sure, sure, sorry. Shintaro’s just a lot of fun to pick on, that’s all. Gotta say, though, I was surprised to see Marie having such a good time on there. Kido looked all tense, though, like I figured she’d be.”
    Kano’s assessment reminded me of the women in our midst, which made my sense of shame grow even larger. They all saw the whole thing. I’m so screwed.
    “Yeah, Kido likes to put on a bold front like that, I guess. This is pretty fun, though, huh? All of us, getting to play around a bit together!”
    That was about as profound as Seto could manage, it seemed, as he continued slapping me on the back.
    He calls this fun? Me, earning the nickname “Barfman” for life?
    “Yeah. It’s kinda the first time, too, really. You’re busy with your part-time work all day usually, Seto. You were pretty late gettin’ in yesterday, too, weren’t you?”
    “You got me there, yeah…But I tell ya, having all those dudes waiting for me when I got back! What a surprise!”
    “I’ll bet. Our first new members in years, after Marie joined up. The more the merrier, yeah? And if Kido’s happy about it, then so am I. But whadaya think about her, Seto? Momo, I mean?”
    Seto and Kano’s lighthearted conversation continued above my hunched-over back, forcing me to recall Momo’s frigid, aghast face. It made me utterly unable to join in the chatter.
    “Oh, she’s great! Really polite, too. I was pretty impressed that our shy li’l Marie introduced me to her. And, wow, a real pop celebrity, too!”
    “Yeah, you should’ve seen Kido when she brought her in for the first time. That utterly frazzled look on her face…Hee-hee!”
    Kano kept chuckling affably, unable to get enough of the mental image. On my end, I felt about ready to cry.
    “Oh, and Ene, too! Talk about one crazy character! But what’s, like, driving her, you think? Is she being controlled by someone?”
    “Yeah, the lady in the phone? Uh, who knows? To me, it looks like she’s honest-to-God living in that thing…”
    The tears flowed out of my eyes once the topic turned to Ene. She would never, ever forget this incident. No doubt she’d poke fun at me about it until I was six feet under.
    “I’d have to agree with you on that one, yeah. You know anything about what makes her tick, Shintaro?…Whoa, hey, what’re you crying for?!”
    The look on Kano’s face as he looked down to peer at me all but screamed “Ooh, look what I found!!” He could be downright insidious like that.|
    I couldn’t say I was a fan of the way he breezily put his hand on my back, either.

    “J-just shut up! It’s nothing!!…What did you say about Ene?”
    I mentally switched gears to reply to Kano’s question. Maybe getting involved in the conversation would help clear the dark cloud above me a little.
    “Huh? Oh! Yeah, yeah, Ene! How’d you come to know that girl, huh?! Did you find her through one of those whadayacallits? You know, those ‘casual encounters’ sites?!”
    “No! Of course not! I don’t really know why, but since a while back, she’s just been living in my computer…I don’t know who she is or where she came from. She won’t tell me anything, even when I ask her.”
    That failed to answer any of Kano’s queries, but he nodded in approval nonetheless.
    “I see…So it’s, like, one of those things, huh? You kept pestering Ene about her private past, and then she got angry about it. Right…?”
    “No! What’re you even asking me?! I don’t remember saying anything like that! I don’t care about her past. If she doesn’t wanna talk about it…”

 

    I poked at Kano for his utterly misunderstanding the point. “Hey, just joking, just joking!” he said as he guffawed to himself and slapped my back.
    How could I describe this feeling? It’s like if you joined this school club, and one of the guys running it is such a pain in the ass around you that you wind up leaving the club in the space of a few days. Exactly like that.
    “Hey, hey, let’s try not to make this an argument…Oh, you’re almost out of water, Shintaro! Let me go buy some more for you!”
    I didn’t notice until he pointed it out, but the bottle of water I carried was almost empty.
    “Oh, that’s fine. I’ll go buy it myself…”
    It’d bother me to get cared for like this all day, so I tried to stand up, only to be pulled back down by Seto.
    “No, no, I don’t mind! Just try to get a little rest, okay? I wanted to get a drink for myself besides.”
    He flashed a warm smile, like he was acting out some lame soft-drink ad, and hurried off.
    “Hey, wait! At least let me…give you some money…”
    I hurriedly took my wallet out of my pocket, but Seto, already a decent distance away, waved at me and shouted, “I’ll get it from you later!” before disappearing into the crowd.
    “That’s Seto for you, huh? Always running at full blast.”
    Kano let out a long, unhurried yawn and crossed his arms behind his head again.
    I fell silent, not particularly interested in further conversation. If I spoke to him, he’d probably use that as the seed for yet another massive gabfest. That game was getting seriously old to me by now, so I wanted to avoid communicating with him as much as possible if I could.

    That, in turn, reminded me of yesterday, when we were both sitting next to each other as hostages. Even in a life-threatening situation, Kano had been completely relaxed, much as he was now.
    Momo mentioned to me that everyone in the Mekakushi-dan was younger than I am.
    There was something childish, it had to be said, about the entire group taking an off day to visit a theme park.
    But given the way they dispatched those terrorists as a team, and given all the unique “abilities” each one apparently had, this was a lot more than just some clique of silly teens.

    —But what does this group even do? And why did they come together in the first place?

    They told me that, until Marie joined up, the group was only three people: Kido, Seto, and Kano.
    Now they were at seven, counting myself. And, except for myself, they all had some kind of special ability, or force, or whatever.
    Generally speaking, everyone in the group followed the orders of Kido, their boss.
    …Aaaand, that was about all I knew.
    Ene and Momo didn’t indicate to me that they cared much at all about this group’s activities, but given that they both had had severe deficiencies when it came to critical thought, I couldn’t rely on their judgment.

    With that in mind, the way we all joined this group of mystery kids and immediately hit it off without knowing anything previously struck me as oddly dangerous.

    It hadn’t been that long, but as much as I’ve interacted with them, they didn’t seem like bad people. Seeing them honestly and empathically take Momo’s side and worry about her “ability,” something I’d never been able to help her with, struck me as the makings of a true friendship.
    I didn’t want to face the prospect that the group’s chief mission was profiteering through some kind of illegal activity.

    There was also the fact that, for some unknown reason, the people in this gang knew an eerie amount about these “abilities.”
    Momo knew that she had started to stick out of the crowd a lot somewhere along the line, but neither she nor I knew exactly when this started to happen, nor what could have caused it.

    But the way they talked about it, it was almost as if they knew everything about her ability.
    And what does that mean about them? Who are they, anyway…?

    “Here ya go, Shintaro! One fresh water for you!”
    As I was lost in serious thought, trying to unravel the mystery of the Mekakushi-dan, Seto bounced a bottle of water straight off my neck.|
    “Yeeaagh!! You scared me! Eesh…You could’ve waited, you know! Didn’t you see how I was looking all serious and stuff?!”
    “Eh? Oh, well, sorry about that. You just kinda left yourself wide open and all, so…”
    Seto flashed me a beaming, totally guileless smile and raised a thumb into the air.
    “Wide open? What are you, an MMA fighter?! Ugh, now I’ve completely forgotten what I wa thinking about. Ergh…ah, well. Anyway…”
    I now felt a deep, overwhelming sinking feeling in my stomach, as intense as my thinking process a moment ago. I’m probably not well suited for being the “grimdark” member of the gang.
    “Aw, c’mon, Shintaro! Gotta enjoy yourself while you’re here, right? How ’bout I join you in a little roller-coaster training session?”
    I had no idea what indicated to him that there was any chance I’d take him up on the offer, but for some reason, his eyes were blazing like a gasoline fire.
    Kano, meanwhile, muttered, “You need to train for that by the time you hit eighteen…?” before breaking into a spasm of loud laughter.
    “Forget it! I’m not riding that thing again. Not inthis life, anyway…You don’t have to hang out with me or anything, though. Go do whatever you like…”
    I concluded to myself that nothing good would happen to me as long as I stuck with these guys. But he was right. I made it this far. Might as well enjoy a little “me” time while I’m here.
    But hang on. Ene was over on Momo’s phone right now. If I had any chance to be truly by mysel for a change…

    “—This is it!”

    The moment it crossed my lips, my mind suddenly burned with the overpowering desire to be alone.
    As it should. When you think about it, I’ve been constantly, constantly pestered by Ene this whole time. I haven’t had a true moment to myself in ages.
    In fact, maybe I should take this chance to spread my wings and focus fully on myself. The opportunity was here.
    My mind made up, I leaped off of the bench.
    Kano twitched upward in surprise, eyeing me suspiciously.
    “Hmm? What’s up? What’s got into you all of a sudden, Shintaro? Having a heart attack?”
    “What? No! Why would I have that? I just thought I’d wander around a bit by myself! Alone Sorry! See you!”
    With that, I briskly walked off and waded my way into the crowd.
    Jostling my way through the waves of people, I kept going until I was reasonably sure I was out o sight.

    I did it…! I managed to snare some time completely alone, and in the most unexpected of places.
    Ah, how long had it been since I enjoyed any truly private time like this?
    Thanks to Ene, every moment of my life that I didn’t spend bathing or on the toilet was spent in constant fear of something.
    If I lay down to sleep, she’d jar me awake. If I went on the net, she’d put up obstacles in my way If I tried visiting some of the “gentlemen’s sites” I was fond of, she tattled on me to my sister…

    —But today, I had finally been released from my curse.

    I resisted the urge to scream “Woo-hooooooooo!!” with all my might as I took another look around.
    With a theme park like this, surrounded by natural beauty on all sides, it’d be easy to find someplace to take a nice nap or something. Wait—if she’s not around, I could even play around on the net all I want!

    Ahhhh…Heaven on earth. I’m so happy I came here today…!
    The world is truly full of wonder. And this is going to be one damn wonderful day. I could feel it.
    This must be a present handed down from God above to reward all the effort I’ve gone through to

—

    “Uh, hey…”

    Hey, quiet down. I’m really enjoying myself right now. Don’t talk to me.

    Ahhhh, what a brilliant day this—!
    “Hello? Can you hear me, Shintaro?”

—Being referred to by name immediately brought me back down to earth.
The sheer sense of release I felt had almost made me take a step into a dangerous world, but that voice was kind enough to stop me from proceeding any further.
    …Who was it?
    I swiveled my head around, only to find a girl with instantly recognizable fluffy white hair standing in front of me, tears in her eyes.
    “…Why are you ignoring me…?”
    “Huh? Ah, ahhhhh, sorry, sorry! Umm…hey, Marie, no crying, okay? Okay?”
    Marie was looking extremely out of sorts. Was this just because I didn’t respond to her at first? I apologized quickly enough, but Marie’s face remained offput, tears still gathering in her eyes.
    “W-what’re you looking so angry for…? Is there something wrong?” Marie gave a single nod in response, pointing to the right of me.
    There stood a gigantic sign reading THE GREAT ICE LABYRINT,Hone of the theme park’s main attractions. Next to it loomed a massive building made up to resemble a frozen castle.
    “That? What about that? …Did you want to go in?”
    Marie feverishly nodded the moment I finished speaking.
    …To be honest, all I wanted to do was tell her “Well, get going, then” and walk off. Why do I have to have my precious free time eaten up by this children’s attraction?
    At least, the me from a little while ago would’ve done that.
    But! If I said that to this kid right now, she’d probably burst into tears.
    …And I knew what would follow after that. It was simple. To any bystander, I’d look like some deranged deviant about to commit a terrible act of violence on this poor, defenseless girl.

    I could picture the security guards carting me off already. The ensuing news reports would be plastered with my face, not to mention the keywords “dropout,” “unemployed,” “shut-in”…
    And once things went that far, I was as good as dead in this society.
    There’d be no talking my way out of it.

    “…All right, Marie. Would that make you happy, if we went in together?”
    “Yeah! I wanna go in! Can you come with me?”
    Marie’s face instantly brightened up, her clouded pink eyes now sparkling like flares as they took me in.
    It goes without saying that the sight was enough to make the heart of Shintaro, man, shut-in, and above all virgin, skip a beat.
    Dammit…I never had a chance.

    But, luckily for me, I already boasted a completely full skill set.
    There were just no free slots left to insert the “lolicon” skill into, sadly.
    So much for that upgrade.
    We’ll talk again once my “virgin” skill times out, though…

    —And so, with a guilt-free conscience, I joined Marie in line for the Great Ice Labyrinth
    It wasn’t that popular an attraction, it turned out, and judging by the size of the line, it wouldn’t take too long to get in.
    But something still bothered me. Ever since I…had lost…uh, my lunch, the women in our group had been sticking to themselves, hadn’t they?
    They hadn’t gotten into a…fight, had they? Because if they did, one look at Marie was all it took to believe there were a lot of tears going around.
    “Hey, Marie, where’s everyone else? How come you’re all by yourself?”
    “Me? Oh, uh, well, we took another ride on the roller coaster after that, but I got separated because I was standing in another line.”
    Marie looked away from me as she spoke, staring at the pamphlet she picked up at the entrance instead.
    Looking down at the pamphlet, I saw that she was drawing circles with a red pen on the attractions she wanted to visit.
    …I-I had no idea she could be so proactive like that. She wanted to hit every ride in the park, even if she had to go solo.
    In my mind, I pictured her wailing “I don’t wanna go on that unless we all go together” and so forth. Witnessing the truth shattered that image pretty quickly. It was a bit of a shock.
    “Oh? Well, Momo’s safe with Kido, I guess…but why’re you so intent on me joining you on this attraction?”
    Marie, still deeply focused on the pamphlet, didn’t reply. Instead she pointed at a sign near the entrance.
    Following her finger with my eyes, I saw a notice posted reading COUPLES ONLY. Ah. Makes sense. Some of the attractions weren’t meant for solo visitors, I guess.
    I figured something like this had to be reason for the invite…but, again, learning the truth was still a bit of a shock.

    The line slowly kicked into gear, and by the time we were next up, even I was starting to get a little excited.
    I couldn’t guess how many years it’s been since my last visit to an amusement park.
    …It goes without saying, too, that this is my first chance to visit an attraction with a member of the opposite sex.
    I took a glance down at Marie. She had already closed the pamphlet, unable to hide her excitemen at having the castle walls within arm’s reach.
    “This…this is gonna be a big labyrinth, right, Shintaro? We’d better drink some tea right now, just in case, right…?!”
    “Huh? Well, sure. Just in case, huh?”
    Marie took a bottle out from the purse on her shoulder, gave me a nod, and started to drink.
    She’s got a lot of quirks, but I guess she’s really a pure, honest girl at heart…oh, but still…
    Dammit…! Get out of my mind, you stupid “lolicon” skill! I said that I didn’t need you!!

    “Next couple, please!”
    The booth attendant opened the door to the attraction.
    Chilly air from inside burst out from the door, landing on our faces.

    While I was distracted, I guess our turn came up.
    I shook away the cobwebs and looked down at Marie. Just as I expected, she was freaking out, too excited to even figure out how to close her water bottle.
    “Whoa, Marie. You can put the cap on once we go inside. Don’t want to keep the people behind us waiting…”
    “All, all right…”
    Marie, attention successfully diverted, zoomed through the door.
    I followed after, only to find myself rewarded with a surprisingly well-designed and convincing ice maze.
    The corridors, lined with icicles large and small, made it feel like some kind of RPG dungeon something from another world.
    The frigid air around us, chillier than what I was picturing, quickly cooled down our sunbaked bodies.
    It had to be below zero, by my estimate.
    “Whoa! Pretty cold, huh? I know how hot you get all the time, Marie, so it must…”
    The unbelievable sight before me stopped me midsentence.
    We had only been inside for a few seconds, but Marie was already shivering, the blood drained from her face, her hand still on the bottle.

    “It…it-t-t-t’s…c-c-c-collldddd…I’m g-g-gonna d-d-d-dieeeee…”
    “…Uh, what did you even come in here for?”

    I was dumbfounded. That’s…really how cold she gets?
    So why did she even choose this attraction in the first place, then?
    “I…I, I didn’t th-th-think it’d be this c-c-cold…”
    “……”
    We hadn’t even rounded the first corner of the maze, but in her own way, Marie was already about to pass the finish line.
    “Oh, come on, it’s not cold enough to freeze you to death that fast! Here, let me have that bottle, okay? I don’t want you dropping it on the ground.”
    The bottle in Marie’s shivering hand was liable to slip away at any moment.
    The cap was still open, meaning the contents would all spill out the moment it hit the floor.
    And with the AC cranked up as high as it was, any liquid spilled on the floor would freeze on the spot, causing huge headaches for the other visitors.
“O-okay. Th-th-thank…ah…ahh-choooo!!”
    But with Marie’s mighty sneeze, the tea in the bottle rained down anyway—right on my head, bent slightly forward as I stooped over to grab the bottle.
    “—Gaaaaahhhhh!!”
    I jumped back in fright at the unexpected turn of events.
    Getting doused with cold tea in this temperature transformed the maze into a frozen hell in a matter of moments.
    “Wh-wh-what did you…Ahhh…ah…sssssso c-c-c-cold…”
    My entire body began to shiver in response to the sudden drop in internal temperature.
    “Ee-e-eek…! I, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Uh, something to wipe with, something to wipe with…”
    Like an old woman looking for a breath mint in her purse, Marie fished out a virtual arsenal of random junk from her pouch. I could feel the tea absorbed by my hoodie start to freeze.

    “Aaaaaaahggghghhh!! My hoodie…My hoooooodiiiieeeee!!”
    “Agghh!! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m…”

It was a disaster. Marie and I had to give up on the maze in the end, but once we were out the door, she disappeared before I could even yell at her.
    “Man, she’s a lot different from how I pictured her at first. A lot more…well, you know…”
    I had no doubt she was already getting worked up all over again in anticipation for the next attraction.

    Left alone once more, I wandered around the park in search of something to drink.
    That little unexpected anomaly had traumatized me, yes, but now I could fully enjoy my free, unhindered private time for—

    “Sh-Shintaro…Just who I needed…! G-get over here a sec…”

    Someone called my name again just as I passed by a crepe stand. It was a uniquely husky voice one I could identify well enough without turning around.
    “What is it, Kido…? Whoa, where’s Momo? If she isn’t with you…”

    Kido was there, out of breath and sweating profusely.
    She had taken the hood off her head—it was much too hot for that right now—and her long hair was free to waver in the wind.
    But Momo was nowhere to be seen. Without Kido, her “ability” would make huge crowds form wherever she went…

    “Yeah. Kisaragi’s kind of gotten herself into some trouble…Please! I need you to lend a hand. Just come with me…!”
    Momo, in trouble? I could pretty well imagine what sort of trouble Momo might get herself into but what could I do to help?
    If there was a mob of people surrounding her somewhere in the park, I don’t think my presence would contribute much…
    But Kido looked like she was at the end of her rope. Her face was hopeful—nothing like what she normally wore, as if I truly was the last person she could count on.

    …Well, so be it. Let’s head over there and see what’s going on.
    Besides, if someone says to me, “I need you to lend a hand,” I can never really find it in me to refuse.

—It took about three minutes for Kido to lead me through the park.

    We stood in front of another attraction, the Haunted Grotesque Dollhouse.
    It was the classic amusement park haunted house, replete with gravestones, axes, and all the other standard props lining the mansion’s outer walls.
    The screams you occasionally heard from inside—presumably from one of the visitors—only added to the creepy atmosphere.

    “Uh, so…what?”
    I sighed.

    “Wh-what? Shintaro, I can’t hear you. Speak up!”

    It took ten minutes to get through the line.
    With three groups left in front of us, Kido put on her earbuds.
    Afterward, she alternated between muttering something or other and tightly closing her eyes, as if trying to remind herself of something.

    “What, are you scared, or…?”

    I relayed the conclusion I had arrived at to Kido, raising my voice enough to ensure she heard me She arched her eyebrows upward.
    “What? Don’t be stupid! It’s not that or anything! It’s just that the screaming from the other visitors is annoying me! I-I’m not gonna let some dumb kiddie ride scare me…!”
    Kido refused to admit it, but the way she made herself red in the face with her fervent defense made her defense seem less than credible.
    “Ugh…So, if I have this right, you and Momo went into the haunted house together, but due to ‘circumstances,’ as you put it, you left by yourself, and due to other ‘circumstances,’ you can’t go back in alone. And since she’ll attract crowds if you aren’t around, she’s stuck in there. Right?”
    “Y-yes! Right! Glad I could count on you, Shintaro. You’re so quick on the uptake…”
    She snorted a little as she spoke, in an attempt to look cool that, in this situation, honestly couldn’t have been less convincing.
    “So what’re these ‘circumstances,’ then? What reason would you have to not go in a haunted house besides being too scared to—”
    “I swear, that’s not it! That’s not it, but…but look, I can’t tell you what’s in there, okay?!”
    That was the most I could extract from Kido after multiple attempts. She had no apparent interes in giving a straight answer.
    Considering the way the boss’s shoulders shook a little bit whenever the attendant at the front door shouted, “Next, please!” I doubted she was useful for much of anything right now.
    She was too scared to go in by herself, so she was looking for someone to join her.
    I could empathize. Even if she made herself invisible, that wouldn’t help much inside a haunted house.
    It’d hide whatever screaming she did inside, at least, but going solo didn’t seem like a feasible solution right now.

    Either way, as long as she refused to admit how scared she was, I didn’t have much right to try and convince her otherwise. So I decided to play along.

    “Looks like we’re up next, boss. Are you ready for this?”
    I tried asking Kido in front of the door, but she had already turned up the volume enough that I could hear the music where I was standing. Further conversation was going to be impossible.
    The attendant’s motions seemed to be enough of an indicator for her that we were next, though.
    As we approached the entrance, I noticed that Kido’s breathing began to grow more and more ragged.

    The attendant opened the door, revealing a room littered with ominous-looking European dolls and blood-spattered antiques—an even more classical approach than what I saw outside.
    The moment we laid eyes upon the scene, the sense of fear I had kept a tight lid on up to now began to swell within me.
    Kido was already near tears adjacent to me, but I was in no position to chide her. My own eyes were probably starting to cloud up, too.

    The door to the eerie manor creaked itself shut as the house welcomed our apprehensive, trembling selves with open arms.
    Once the door was closed, we were shut off from all outside light, the scene ominously lit by flickering candles and lamps.
    A chill air, cold in a different way from the ice maze earlier, cooled our bodies up from our legs.
    We were both overwhelmed by the scene, finding ourselves already all but unable to press forward.

    “Huh…huh. They did a pretty good job…huh, Kido…?”
    I turned around, holding my arm steady against the trembling fingers of the girl next to me, only to find Kido’s eyes shut tightly as she attempted to lose herself in the world of her music. I plucked the earbuds out of her head and confiscated them, along with the music player in her pocket.

    “Aaghhh!! What’re you doing, Shintaro?! G-g-give it back, now!”
    “What are you, stupid? How are we supposed to find Momo if I can’t even talk to you?!”
    “I-I know that…but…”
    The earbudless Kido began to visibly shiver, like a newborn goat. The sight of the normally composed, above-it-all boss now reduced to sheer uselessness made things all the more anxious for me.
    But standing still wasn’t going to accomplish anything.
    If we wanted to get out of here quickly, we had to keep pushing our legs forward, nose to the grindstone.
    I somehow got myself off and walking, Kido following a step behind.
    Thanks to the uniquely haunted house–like smells and soundtrack, the path we made slow yet steady progress through was, in a word, terrifying.
    The hanging scythes and portraits of headless dolls lining the hallway fanned the fear within us that those blades could come flying forward at any moment.
    I squinted, attempting to keep them out of sight as much as I could, and tried to crouch down as I continued.
    Kido copied my stance as she followed behind. It probably looked ridiculous, someone our age acting like this, but I didn’t care. We were fighting for our lives here.

    “…Hey, didn’t you already go through this once? You already know, like, what’s gonna come out and everything, right?”
    I turned around to look at Kido after realizing it, but she had her eyes shut and her hands against her ears, all but broadcasting that she didn’t want to talk right now.

    “Geez, you don’t have to ignore me,” I said as I extended a hand to Kido. The moment I did, one of the dolls tossed aside in the corridor began to speak.
    “Yeeaaagghhh!! What the hell?!”
    “The master of this mansion was a world-famous doll collector. But one day, he changed. He began inviting guests into his house…and murdering them so he could turn them into dolls! But I wonder if you’ll be able to make it out alive? Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!!”

    I reeled backward, my heart about to leap out of my chest, and slumped down to the floor.
    You call that guy a murderer? I’m so delicate, I’m gonna die of shock thanks to your little performance long before I run into him.
    Kido, standing next to my slumped-over self, had an expression of relief on her face as she removed her hands from her ears and stared down at me piteously.
    “You…you had to have known about that…Is that why you covered your ears…?!”
    “Oh, um, sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I was too busy keeping my ears…uh, I mean, it’d be more fun if it was fresh for you, too, after all, so…”
    The sudden left turn Kido made midresponse did not go unnoticed.
    “Fun, my ass! You were freaking out and covering your ears!”
    “I-I’m not freaking out, okay?! I just happened to be…!”

    As she spoke, Kido noticed something in the distance, then quickly made her way deeper down the corridor.
    Has she experienced some sort of instantaneous freedom fromher anxieties? No, probably not. Judging by her behavior so far, she couldn’t be more freaking out right now.
    So, what…?
    As I thought it over, a terrible premonition began to haunt me.
    Slowing turning back the way we walked in from, I saw a group of people lumbering toward me, their clothes covered in blood, no doubt the hapless guests brutally murdered by the master of the house.

    “Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please, let me go!!”

    With lightning-fast reflexes, I prostrated myself before the horde of zombies, then—reconsidering this tactic—sprang upward and sped away in the opposite direction. Where did those bastards come from?! I guess they were extras working for the haunted house, but their performance was so convincing, they left me literally begging for my life.
    I quickly caught up to Kido ahead of me, just in time to see her arm being grabbed by countless hands coming out from the wall. Her eyes had lolled almost all the way back inside her head.
    “Aaghh! L-let go! Stop it!”
    Kido was shouting at the top of her lungs, wholly forgetting that this was supposed to be entertainment.
    Once she did, the extras on the other side of the wall pulled their hands back.
    Good job, guys. Don’t come back again, please.

    “Huff…huff…Sorry about that, Shintaro. Thanks for the help…”
    “Yeah, how about you stop running away from me like that, all right?! That was really scary!”
    “Huh? Oh. Yeah, sorry. I just remembered this errand I had to run…”

    Kido awkwardly averted her eyes as she spoke.
    —Man, there’s something up with this girl. Talk about someone I can’t count on in a pinch.

    “So where did you get separated from Momo? Up ahead some more?”
    “…Uh, r-right around the next corner. I think…”

    Passing through the hands-in-the-wall zone, I turned the corner Kido pointed out, only to find the corridor ahead lined with large piles of coffins…The owner of this place turned his visitors into dolls, didn’t he?
    So what’s he even need coffins for, anyway?
    Of course, if I was going to start pointing out issues with this house, the zombies didn’t make much sense either. The hands popping out of the walls? Even more off-spec.
    There was a lot about this house you could make fun of, really. And look at the two of us, about ready to pee our pants in the middle of it. Putting it out of my mind, I moved onward. Behind one o the mountains of coffins on the right, I spotted a flash of brown hair.

    “…There she is!”

    Kido took several steps backward in fear.
    “Th-th-there what is?! W-where is she? Hey! Shintaro!”
    “It’s not a ghost or anything! I mean that Momo’s hiding in here!”

    I pointed it out, giving Kido a chance to see Momo’s hair for herself. She breathed a sigh of relief.
    “Oh, it’s Kisaragi…Well, good thing we finally tracked her down. Thanks for your help, Shintaro.”
    Kido stuck her hands in the pockets of her parka in a failed attempt to play it cool. It seemed like a gag by this point.

    “B-boss…”
    We heard Momo’s voice croak out from inside the coffin. I imagined she was waiting for Kido to come back for her before she dared emerge from it.
    …I wondered what she was waiting for. She wasn’t that far away, and besides, it was only the three of us in here.
    “Hey, Kisaragi!” Kido said as she approached the coffins. “It’s me! Sorry I left you behind. Let’s hurry up and get…!!”
    One look at Momo after she turned around was enough to make Kido faint on the spot.
    I was pretty surprised, too, looking on from afar, but I figure I deserve a medal for not screaming out loud, at least.

    “Uh…huh? Boss?! Did, did I frighten you too much…?”
    Momo’s face was splattered with blood as she climbed out of the coffin, an axe embedded in her skull.
    What’s worse, she was actually trying to give Kido a hug in that makeup. In Kido’s eyes, she mus have been a possessed monster ready to pounce on her.
    “Momo, are you crazy…?”
    She turned toward me as I approached. The look was even scarier up close.
    “Whoa! You actually went in here, bro? You’re such a fraidy-cat usually…”
    Momo honestly looked surprised underneath all the fake blood covering her face.
    “I can handle a stupid amusement park haunted house, Momo! But what’s with that? Why’re you all done up like that?”
    “Oh, this? Well, you know, the boss left me behind, so I hid behind those coffins, but then I found this axe prop, so I figured I’d take advantage and give the boss a scare once she came back. So I pu on this makeup, and I’ve been waiting here since. I didn’t think it’d be that effective…”
    I have to hand it to my sister. She’s so scary, she can make the boss faint at a single glance.
    But an unconscious Kido meant that we were now no closer to getting out of here.

    “Well, now what’re you gonna do?! We’re still stuck in here!”

 

    “Oh, no, you’re right! Oh, man…We need to wake up the boss…”
    Momo began to violently jostle Kido’s body.
    “No, I mean, get that junk off your face first, Momo! She’s gonna faint all over again if you don’t!” “Oh! Right!”
    Realizing the critical flaw behind her plan, Momo dove back into the mound of coffins.
    If I left Kido here, it’d probably cause a huge scene once the next group of visitors showed up. There wasn’t much I could do. Reluctantly, I dragged Kido into the area behind the coffins.
    Crouching down, Momo removed the axe, took out a wet napkin from her purse to remove the makeup, and began daubing it on her face.
    I sat down next to her and sighed.
    The moment gave me time to reflect over how my much-anticipated alone time never materialized in the end. So much for any privacy I deserved.

    “Man, this is really exhausting…”
    “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to get everyone worked into a frenzy over me.”
    Momo, her face clear of makeup, gave me an apologetic look as she took out her phone.
    The wallpaper was set to a photo she took of the entire gang this morning to commemorate the resurrection of her phone. After she resized it for wallpaper purposes, though, I was cut off at the far edge of the screen, which didn’t exactly fill me with glee.
    “Wow, I spent a lot of time in here…but we’ve got some time left to have fun, right?”
    Momo put her phone away and began to shake Kido’s adjacent body once more.
    “Boss! Boss! Please, wake up! The amusement park’s gonna close on us!”
    “Nnn…gh…Huh?! Kisaragi! What am I doing in here?”
    Kido’s eyes flew open. She swiveled her head to take  in her surroundings, apparently not remembering how Momo shocked her into unconsciousness earlier.
    “Well…uh…I dunno, you just kinda fainted all of a sudden?”
    I flashed a quick wink at Momo as she spoke, deliberately averting her eyes from Kido as she did.

    “Really…? Well, whatever. At least you’re here now, Kisaragi. Let’s hurry up and get outta here.”
    Kido’s pupils turned from black to red as she spoke.
    “I’m setting it up so that just Momo’s invisible. You and I need to keep going, Shintaro.”
    Turning my head toward where Momo was crouching down, I realized she was already gone.
    If I spent a few moments to focus on the exact site, I felt like I could see the faint contours of he body, at least. But even so, that was one useful tool Kido had at her fingertips.

    What kind of tools do I have that would compare? The power to go to a public bathhouse and not be embarrassed out of my skull?

    Regardless, we headed back out into the corridor. Our mission: to reach the exit in one piece.
    I could feel the onrush of depression as I realized it meant my heart would soon be working overtime again.
    The moment I set foot in the hallway, I suddenly felt a strange sense that something wasn’t quite right.
It was something that had taken up residence in my mind ever since we ran into Momo. But once gave it some thought, I immediately realized the cause.

    No. Wait a second. If that was the case, does that mean this entire afternoon was…?

    A bitter chill ran down my spine as it dawned on me. I decided to bounce the idea off the already- trembling Kido.
    I stopped in the middle of the corridor. She followed suit.
    “…Hmm? What’s up, Shintaro? Let’s get going.”
    Yep…I hated to think about it, but my hunch was probably right.
    In a way, I had already unconsciously confirmed it earlier.
    “Hey…Kido? After Ene rode the roller coaster…where’d she go after that?”
    Kido flashed me a confused expression.

    “Ene? She left right afterward. She said she’d be following you.”

    —As she spoke, the phone in my pocket vibrated for two quick bursts, as if chuckling to itself.

I was seated by myself on a bench.

    “Aaaaaaahggghghhh!! My hoooooodiiiieeeee!!”

    That haunted house was pretty frightening at first, but the second half wasn’t that bad at all.
    Yep. Just a plain old amusement-park attraction. Nothing too rough.

    After we escaped, Momo and Kido went off by themselves to round up the rest of our gang promising to contact me later on.
    The two other males in our group were one thing, but considering Marie probably didn’t have her own phone, I figured they’d need a fair amount of time.

    “Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please, let me go!!”

    In the end, the private time I had lusted after so badly was nothing but an illusion.
    That’s what I get for trying to spread my wings a little…This is just pitiful.

    “Ngh…Oh, man, I don’t feel too good…Urk…urggh…”
    “—Aaagghh!! Stop it! Stop playing that back!!”

    My patience finally met its match. After I shouted at my phone, a blue-haired, twin-ponytailed girl appeared on-screen, flailing her legs in the air as she rolled around on the floor laughing.

    “Ooooh, my stomach hurts…! Aw, I’m really sorry, master. But, I mean, you’ve been giving me all this hilarious material today, so…Bah hah hah hah!!”
    “I’m not your ‘material,’ Ene! Ughh…If I knewyou were here with me, I would’ve sealed up my mouth with duct tape…”

    “Yeeaaaggghhhh!! Aaaaaarrrgghh!! You scared me!! What the hell?! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!!…Oh, man, I don’t feel too good…”

    Here I was, already cast forlornly against the rocks of despair, and meanwhile Ene was cracking herself up building a soundboard of my greatest screams to play around with.
    She had been inside my phone ever since I was speaking with Kano and Seto on that bench earlier She had taken advantage of this to record audio and video of every lowlight of the day, and now it was the latest plaything she was addicted to.

    “Oh, man, I can hardly breathe any longer…Whew! Anyway, master! Did you have fun today?”
    The question was innocent enough, the smile as her head occupied the entire screen happy enough, but I couldn’t sense a trace of goodwill on her face.
    “…Yeah…thanks to you, it was the worst day of my life. Thanks a bunch.”
    I had grown used to this treatment. I fully understood that flying into a rage would do nothing to improve my lot in life.
    But I still gripped the handset with so much force, I’m surprised I didn’t crack the display.
    “Oh, no, no need to thank me! Besides…I haven’t had a chance to play around at all today! We still got a lot of spots to visit, you know!”
    “Huhh?! Come on, you have to be tired out by now, right?! Let’s just go home…”
    “Nothing doing! I haven’t even had the slightest iota of fun! You promised that you’d be together with me, master. Don’t think that I’ve forgotten that!”
    Ene puffed up her face, the same way she always did when attempting to threaten me.
    I’ve been through this pattern before. She gets all mad, I say whatever comes to mind to try to deal with it, and I wind up paying for it big-time later on.
    One time, a while ago, she invited me to play this online game with her.
    My intention was to ignore her request from start to finish, but immediately afterward, I found my computer infested with viruses of every possible kind. She agreed to root them out, as long as I agreed to play with her…and pay for whatever extra in-game items she felt like she needed.

    …Contemplating all the crap I always have to deal with after every decision, it’d probably be smarter to make sure she doesn’t get angry at me in the first place.
    But, man, what a pain in the…

    “…If you don’t take me around the park with you, I’ll show your folder of innermost secrets to your sister…”
    “All righty! I am pumped to have some fun!! What should we tackle first, huh? Anything without a lot of G-forces is A-OK with me!”
    Well, time to see this through to the end. I stood up off the bench and looked at Ene. She looked eminently satisfied, gloating in the wake of her latest victory.
    It was a fact, though, that I hadn’t yet really enjoyed my first planned outing in years, either.
    Having to share it with her pained me, but hey, we were in an amusement park.
    I didn’t really mind checking out some of the attractions a bit longer.

    “Aw, that’s great to hear, master! What should we start with…? Oh! How about that thing? The one where you sit on a chair and blast away at aliens! You’re really good at shooters and stuff, right, master?”
    “Uh? How do you know that? Have we ever played a shooter together?”
    “Oh, no? Guess not. Well, like it matters. I know everything about you, master! Let’s just get going already, okay?”
    Ene whipped out a finger to navigate for me.
    “All right…Whatever. You’re the boss. Just try not to cause a scene, okay…?”
    “You got it!”
    Ene was all smiles as she answered.
    She was utterly self-centered,
    completely wicked,
    and absolutely impossible to get a grasp of.

    Something about the observation made a memory from the past reach the tip of my tongue, but I trundled it away before giving it any more thought.
    Right now, my mind was already fully occupied trying to deal with this girl and her high- maintenance ego.

    —How much fun can we have before sunset?
    I held my mobile phone like a compass and started walking in the direction Ene pointed.

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• Title: Kagerou Daze, Vol2_ Headphone Actor
• Next: Afterword